Stone Monuments
by BonesBird
Summary: The first stop on their journey to accepting what they missed is to visit a memorial, prompting a breakdown that was years in the making. P/T


**Title: Stone Monuments  
****Summary: The first stop on their journey to accepting what they missed is to visit a memorial, prompting a breakdown that was years in the making. P/T  
****Lyrics: Collide - Howie Day  
Disclaimer: I don't own Voyager. If I did. It would still be on air.**

**The beginning of this was written for the drabble challenge over on Facebook, but my muse wouldn't let it go, and was determined to make me flesh it out to a full one-shot. I'm just going to keep writing until my muse is finally satisfied. This was beta-ed by the lovely and wonderful pair of PinkAngel17 and nebula2. Awesome friends. **

**This has been written a long time, but I needed to finish "Tis Not Too Late". There is a story coming that will fill in the gap between the end of that and this one, but it's not yet finished and is called "Yesterday Is Not The Past"**

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_"What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others."_  
_Pericles_

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The planet was as still as a tomb, and the eternal twilight of this planet had made it the perfect place for a base. It was also the perfect place for a memorial. She ran her hands along the names until she found the section she was looking for. There had only been 19 people who knew all these names, and she wasn't one of them. There were hundreds of names. As she looked down the list she found the group of names she hoped wouldn't be there.

She fell to her knees, grabbing a handful of sand as she looked at the plaque with the names of so many of her friends. People she considered her family. Chakotay was stood a little way away from her, his head bowed as if in prayer. Stood between the two of them were their current family, the three people who had made the trip with them to this memorial of the Maquis victims of the war.

She jumped a little as Tom's hand came to rest on her shoulder, then looked up to see him cradling Miral. There were tears in his eyes as well. She traced the names in front of them. Half of them ones she recognised. People she had risked her life with and for. People who had shared her existence with for several years. Pretty much from as soon as she was liberated from the Bajoran prison camp she spent six months in.

What would they think of her now? She had survived the war by dumb luck, and although her years in the Delta Quadrant hadn't been easy, she'd come away from it married, with a beautiful daughter. She had gained faith in her captain, and had never truly doubted that she'd never see the Alpha Quadrant.

Had they suffered? Had they known the end was coming? Her eyes drifted slowly over the names and ages of some children. They had never even had the chance to live. The youngest was younger than Miral. She looked up at her baby, and wondered how the parents of the other baby must have felt. Knowing their child would never have the chance to do anything with their life.

Tom's quiet support behind her, and the mental knowledge of Miral safe in her fathers' arms made B'Elanna aware that she could let go. She could mourn for the friends she lost while she was lost, and the friends who didn't make it home with them. All the people she was depending on now, and all the people she missed.

The next time she looked up, Chakotay and Kathryn had disappeared, they had taken Miral with them. She had focused on one name for most of the time she'd been there. Vince Crandall. She had been in a prison camp with him. She had been on ships with him. She had been in his bed and he had been in hers. They had been each others support at some of the worst points of the Maquis struggle. It was still hard to believe he was gone.

"Who was he, B'Elanna" Tom asked, settling onto the sand beside her, pulling her into his arms. She couldn't bring herself to talk at first. Looking along the wall that marked every person who was killed in DMZ by the Dominion. On her first look through, as she'd searched for Vince's name, she'd found Chakotay's family. Many other names she recognised. But she'd settled here.

"He was" She faltered, but he didn't press her. After another couple of deep breaths she started again "He was one of the Maquis with me, we met at Gallitep." she had told Tom the story of her time at the camp, but she'd never gone into details. "He joined up with me because he hated Cardassians. We served together, until I met Chakotay. They never got along." She let out a short bark of a laugh, then looked up at him "A bit like you, really" She leant into him a little more. Shivering lightly. "I can't believe he died."

They sat there, long into the planets dusky night. Still enough light from the plasma fields to keep the planet mostly lit. When Tom pulled her to standing she was still in a state of almost shock. There were things she'd never expected to experience, and sitting there, looking at the names of her friends, her colleagues, had never been far from the front of her mind. He whispered to her as they walked back to the small ship they were travelling in.

"Sometimes, it's unfair. The Federation casualties… They have their names on a white column at the war memorial in Staffordshire. The Maquis and DMZ casualties" She took another deep breath, and she could now tell that Kathryn and Chakotay were listening to her. "Our casualties are on a rough hewn stone on an unnamed planet in the Badlands."

She stalked towards their room, unsure of what else she could do. She needed to think. She had sent the warriors to Sto'Vo'Kor, and she named as many as she could in her daily Plea for the Dead. She didn't need to hear what they were going to say. Technically, the Maquis had died Criminals. They would have their planets back now, the Cardassians had been given the treatment they had so harshly handed out to so many worlds.

She couldn't feel sorry for them. She knew it was probably unfair of her. They were determined to be part of the larger interstellar community now, but to her, they would always be the people who threw her in a camp because she was in the wrong place on their damn space station. She looked down into Miral's cradle, and felt the need to pick her daughter up. She just stood looking at her, until Tom came back to find her.

"Bee, come" He whispered, and pulled her back to the bed with him. "Today has been an emotional day for you, and I don't want you to shut down. Talk to me" he pleaded, no doubt thinking back to after she heard about the Maquis the first time, back on Voyager. She had a reason to live now. Even if she felt nothing for anyone else, the love she felt for Miral pierced through every defence she set up. Her baby saved her. Looking at Miral, she opened up.

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**____****Even the best fall down sometimes  
**_**Even the stars refuse to shine  
**__**Out of the back you fall in time  
**__**I somehow find, you and I collide**_


End file.
